


Courage can go

by Lesbianna



Series: Glee Fix-It-Fics [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Diva Kurt, Episode: s06e03 Jagged Little Tapestry, Fix-it fic, Gen, Kurt deserves better, Kurt is fierce, Kurt leaves, Not Santana Friendly, Santana's rant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 19:59:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10771386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lesbianna/pseuds/Lesbianna
Summary: Kurt listens, and then he's done. Done listening, done apologizing; because it will never be afforded to him.If leaving is cowardice... well.Kurt Hummel will be a coward.[fix it fic describing Kurt packing up his things and leaving. Because Kurt deserves better than this bullshit.]





	Courage can go

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't actually watched Season 6. I just can't bring myself to it. I prefer to think that the moment Kurt breaks up with him in the beginning, is the start of a glorious life for him. But I know about Santana's rant to Kurt, and I just wanted to give Kurt a tribute.  
> Blainofsky isn't mentioned.

He’s not sure exactly how he ended up here, listening to Santana spew out toxic word after toxic word, prodding at every insecurity he’s got. He feels torn open and as though his bones are going to crumble any second, as her razor sharp words cut into him. Because of course, of course it doesn’t matter that they’re _friends_ and that he would have been prepared to _apologize_ in half an hour.

(Because the truth is, even as he’d been walking down the hallway he’d been considering calling Isabelle at Vogue, and getting some recommendation for the perfect wedding dress. He’d been considering what kind of jewelry they’d be wearing, considering what kind of glittery thing he should get for her at that little store downtown - something simple, yet bold; maybe some kind of ankle bracelet, because he wanted Santana to carry some little part of him at the wedding, he thinks.)

He tries to keep thinking about that, as he listens to Santana. Tries to keep his face blank, because Santana does deserve to rant. She does. He doesn’t like the thought of either of them being hurt. He can take a little tongue lashing for that.

He tries thinking about the kind of bracelet he’d buy her, but every word cuts into him, and he thinks-

He thinks that they aren’t friends anymore. He should have known, because she didn’t turn up that day, when he was standing in the rain, feeling alone. Lost.

And he looks at Rachel, and he can’t fucking recognize her. Because there she is, just watching, a little bewildered, but just watching nonetheless.

Finally Santana says, “…maybe it's just that you are utterly, utterly intolerable. Maybe that has something to do with it!"

He leaves, because what else is he supposed to do? He can’t do this anymore.

A part of him wants to go to find her, wants to apologize and tell her that she’s right and that he was wrong, but-

But he can’t. Because he’s done. He’s spent years doing this kind of thing. Fighting for people he doesn’t want to fight for anymore.

Now he’s lying in his bed at home, and he doesn’t know how he got home at all. His memory is sort of blurred, from holding back tears. But he knows that he’s done fighting for Santana and Rachel and Blaine and all the other people. He’s tired of slowly killing himself, or letting them kill him.

“Thank you Santana,” he says, a twisted smile grazing his face. “I’m glad I know I can count on you to tell me the truth.”

He packs up his things - his clothes, his shoes, the books he brought with him and all the knickknacks he wants to bring with him goes in a shoebox, which goes in a suitcase. The notes he wrote down about the New New Directions about which songs would suit their voices better goes in an envelope with a stamp.

He’s packing up his life, and he’s satisfied to see that he isn’t bringing Glee Club with him.

He should never have come back. Lima isn’t home, he’s known this for _so long_.

*

He gets in his car and drives to the post office, sending his envelope with notes on the Glee club to Rachel. He doesn’t think she’ll use it, but he needs to give them to her. He needs closure.

He texts Sam’s number as he leaves the building: _I wish we could have been real friends. I’m leaving all the ones who weren’t behind._

Sam doesn’t respond, and he didn’t really expect otherwise.

Finally, he gets into his car. Lima Heights isn’t a place he’s particularly fond of, and it only makes sense that it should be the last place he goes to, before leaving.

Soon, he knocks on her door. She opens, and a patronizing smile spreads across her face. She expects him to apologize, but instead- instead he extends a hand. She still doesn’t realize what’s going on, and he can’t blame her. Because Kurt always comes to apologize. Sometimes just with a hug and a ‘I love you’ and sometimes with an ‘here’s how we fix it’, but a lot of the time he comes with apologies where he tells her how wrong he was.

He squeezes her soft hand, and just for a second, imagines just telling her that he’s sorry. But he thinks about the suitcase in his car and the fact that if he apologizes now, she’ll believe that her behavior was okay. And it wasn’t.

So he tells her, “I hope you and Brittany have an amazing wedding, and an amazing future together.”

She smirks, and tells him that his apology is accepted.

“No, Santana. You can’t accept an apology that was never made in the first place.”

Her grip slackens; shock is evident on her face.

“Goodbye, Santana. I wish you happiness. And I hope you’ll grow into an amazing friend for someone else someday.”

And he walks away.

Maybe she won over him today because her rant got to him. She’ll tell Glee that he’s a coward, and he really, really doesn’t care. Because if cowardice means he gets to dream for himself, courage can go fuck itself.


End file.
